I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize