Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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