I can't watch pbs sober anymore
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
