After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
