The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Randomize
