We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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