What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
