i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
