I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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