I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm passing your future prison.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
