I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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