I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
