I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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