happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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