I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
