Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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