Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize