hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Randomize