im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
