Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Randomize
