I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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