to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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