I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
