I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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