My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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