there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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