i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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