I molested 6 butterflies tonight
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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