Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
