This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
