I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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