I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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