I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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