Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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