Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
