im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
