Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
