I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
