tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
