Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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