I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
