Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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