omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
