he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
