Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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