is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
