i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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