I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
