Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
