Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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