My Higher Power is John Stamos
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
