The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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