If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
