i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it's like iHOP with fire
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
