I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
as a side note pls kill me
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
